Sorry you did not enjoy your meal and felt the need to post it on the internet. We have a manager and owner on call and on site at all hours. Reviews like yours are very sad. FYI, the [food] is the most authentic you will get and also the ones you get in [European city] from the vendors are days old…they are made and sold days old because the tourists “may never come back so whats the difference” Have a good day.

Here is my response, with the name of the business removed:

I’m assuming you’re referring to my review of [your restaurant] in [town] from 2008.

Yelp is a service that all business owners/managers need to be aware of and monitor regularly. It’s a way of finding out what’s going well and not going well in their businesses. People don’t always like to talk with managers and owners directly – you have to go where the feedback is to find out what you need to do better. No, I didn’t talk with an owner or manager in 2008 when I ate at [your restaurant]. I wasn’t impressed with the food, but I also didn’t feel the need for a refund or for an opportunity to come back and try it again. In my experience, that’s usually what happens when someone talks to an owner or manager. Instead, I turned to my network to tell them about my experience at the restaurant. If it in some way hurt your business in the two years since I posted the review, well, I hope you have been reading and learning and improving, and that you understand that my experience was just that – MINE. I haven’t read the reviews of the restaurant since I left mine; perhaps others are better. If that’s the case, you likely have little to worry about.

As for your FYI, I appreciate that you felt the need to correct what I experienced during the months that I lived in [European city] and completely dismissed the fact that I actually watched some of the street vendors making [food named above]. No, I didn’t post all that information in my review. It didn’t seem necessary at the time, since I really never expected to be challenged about HOW the street vendors I knew made their food; my review was about [your restaurant] not [European city] [food] vendors. But whatever. If you feel the need to tell me that what I experienced was something other than what it was, go right ahead. Make the assumption that I was only there for a very short time and don’t know what I’m talking about.

I really hope you understand that your message to me was a ridiculously rude way to try to change my mind about the restaurant. However, if you were to edit your message and re-send it to me, this would be a much better and more positive way to get my attention:

“Sorry you did not enjoy your meal two years ago. We would love it if you would try [our restaurant] again; in particular, the XXX is something most of our customers rave about. After your meal, our manager and/or owner would love to hear from you directly, to find out if your experience was better than it was 2 years ago. Have a good day.”

Do you see the difference in tone in those two emails? The edited version is from someone who actually wants a customer to visit again, while your version is from someone who is telling the customer that her experience was invalid. Not a great way to make me want to come rushing back.

Honestly, if you had sent me something like the edited version, I WOULD have tried [your restaurant] again, and I would have spoken with the manager and/or owner, and if the experience and food had improved, I would have written another review here on Yelp saying so. But given what you wrote me (ridiculously rude, remember?) I won’t be re-trying [your restaurant] any time.

Sincerely,
–Megan

So besides the fact that  I’m  completely passive-aggressive in parts of this message back to the person who wrote to me, I have to say I’m pretty happy with the bulk of this message.

Small business owners: If you are getting onto Yelp or another review service for the first time, a few words of advice.

1. Read my message above. If you must respond to feedback about your business, consider using something like my edited message.
2. Pay attention to the dates the reviews were initially posted. Maybe you had different management then, or different servers, or a different chef, or SOMETHING different. Use that as a point of reference to encourage the person to come back.
3. For the love of customer service mavens everywhere, don’t tell folks that they didn’t experience what they say they experienced. Ever. It just makes you look defensive and honestly, kind of like a jerk.
4. Do follow the lead of the person who wrote to me, though. Message the person directly, don’t post responses as a review of your business. I will say, that is one thing this person did correctly.

That’s all. Getting off my soapbox now.

Then I came home, realized that the vague feeling of nausea wasn’t related to working out, but rather to the tiny, late lunch I ate today thanks to my gloom-and-doom sort of day at work. Amy rushed out to grill our dinner (YUM) and I got a little food in me and started thinking more about my day.

And then I realized:

• I have a job.
• That interests me.
• That allows me to work with smart people.
• Where I get to work on interesting problems and projects.
• In a beautiful environment.
• That is close to my home.
• For which I get a salary.
• Which allows me to live in a house with my wife and our dogs.
• And play hockey.
• And Crossfit.
• And travel.
• And give money to causes and organizations which mean a great deal to me.

So while I know I’m not the only one who’s feeling awfully overwhelmed about work these days, those are all things for which I am eternally grateful, and I don’t want to forget it. Not everyone is in such a situation, especially not these days, and I never want to take these blessings for granted.

Here’s the thing: lesbians tend to befriend other lesbians. There are in-jokes and there’s culture and obviously there needs to be a manual for those who are newly out so they aren’t quite so clueless when hanging out with lesbians who’ve been out longer than them.

Here’s the other thing: CrossFitters tend to befriend other CrossFitters. There are in-jokes and there’s culture and obviously there needs to be a manual for those who are new CrossFitters so they aren’t quite so clueless when hanging out with folks who’ve been CrossFitting longer than them.

You’d think there would be a subculture within either group that would encompass the other, wouldn’t you? Well, I can’t find it. And I’m frankly baffled.

Case in point in terms of not being able to find anything: the two threads on gay Crossfitters over on the Crossfit forums were closed, apparently because people kept fighting and arguing (mostly it was trolls who don’t “approve of” the “gay lifestyle” who came in and picked fights, and the LGBT folks and allies engaged.). Now sexuality – well, specifically non-heterosexuality – is lumped with religion and politics as verboten topics over there. Just lovely. I sooooo enjoy being a banned topic. Googling turned up very little, other than the fact that most Crossfit gyms don’t update their blog software enough (holy disgusting link spam in the comments…) and that the term “gay” is still used as a very common insult. Sigh.

So I put this out there: are they any other LGBT CrossFitters out there, other than the 3 I know at my affiliate?

• Suck the toe of Edgar Allen Poe
• Never Flee from Glee
• Jinx! Buy me a Beer.
• a good man drinks a good beer
• Reference the greats
• Don’t Tease, aim to Please
• Make your Move to Improve your Groove
• A beer in the hand is worth 2 in the fridge.
• No matter Where, you’re always There
• If you are reading this, thank a brewer
• Herbert the Pervert likes Sherbet
• Originality is hard to duplicate
• You’re a Winner!
• Find the Way through Play
• What could be Better than a beer with Eddie Vedder
• Life is Not a Dress Rehearsal
• Those who Race miss life’s Grace
• HI!
• It’s still Home if you’re Alone
• Visit alternative destinations
• It can be Great to Agitate
• Bottled with Care by Rob, Chrissy, and Crew
• Beware the Bore Behind the Door
• The Answer is inside You
• A Magic Brew or two may lead you to the loo
• Kindlessness = Mindlessness
• How did You get like This?
• Don’t Throw Stones at Other’s Bones
• Don’t Plunder the Wonder
• Don’t Rely on those who won’t Try
• Do not Quibble with Iskabibble
• Travel Wide but not to Hide
• I Have What I Want
• Don’t throw a Can at a good looking Man
• You are next in line
• It’s Easy to Talk and Say nothing at the Same
• The root of Pretension is Apprehension
• Magic is Where you Make it

Notes: I had a lot of help drinking these. Punctuation and capitalization were copied exactly.

I don’t write about work, which cuts out 1/3 of my life for blog fodder. Given that I sleep for another 1/3, you only get to see 1/3 of my life in here. And that 1/3 is taken up by:

• playing hockey
• playing with the dogs
• reading books
• watching hockey
• doing housework

The only remotely interesting blog-fodder in there is playing hockey (sometimes playing with dogs) (but not reading, since I really don’t like to write book reviews.) I’m not sure that I’m going to do NaBloPoMo next November. My life will have had to change some if I’m going to, since I don’t really want to put up some of the filler posts I put up this year.

Maybe I’ll make a New Year’s Resolution to blog more routinely in 2009, rather than doing a full month of posting. Possibly a twice-a-week schedule would be good… given that I’ve usually got one hockey game a week, finding something to say in the other post shouldn’t be quite as hard.

That feels okay. Let’s see if I can pull it off!

This executive agency (for the people who run agencies like this are appointed by the president), like so many others, has turned from being a place of reliable, mostly unbiased information into a bully pulpit for the current administration. And that is not good for the country. Put that money elsewhere – towards programs to provide reliable birth control to those who are uninsured or those whose insurance won’t cover birth control, towards educational programs designed to teach about the broad spectrum of sexual behaviors so that people are armed with scientific knowledge about their reproductive choices, towards programs who provide support to single parents and their children, towards affordable child care programs, etc. etc. etc. Fifty million dollars is a lot, especially for this kind of program, which has yet to be proven efficacious despite being adopted all over the country. From the Guttmacher Policy Review (Summer 2006, volume 8, number 3) a report entitled “Legislating Against Arousal: The Growing Divide Between Federal Policy and Teenage Sexual Behavior” we hear:

Given current patterns of teenage sexual activity, it is probably safe to say that efforts to prevent teenagers—let alone all unmarried people—from engaging in anything potentially sexually stimulating are at best unrealistic. At worst, such efforts may have harmful public health consequences, by failing to prepare young people for the time they, almost inevitably, will become sexually active. To date, there is no sound scientific research suggesting that abstinence-only education delays the initiation of sexual activity. There is evidence, however, that such programming, which either precludes information about condoms and contraception entirely or permits only negative information, may be making it harder for young people to effectively engage in protective behaviors down the road.

You think this isn’t true? Read about Timken high school in Canton, Ohio (here and here) where they’ve rescinded their abstinence-only sex education after realizing that 65 female students (of 490) were pregnant. Here is a report where the state details one of the abstinence-only grants Timken received (page 16).

And so this administration and their lackeys in DHHS now want to throw money at similar programs for adults, none of which work, and many of which may make it harder for people to be healthy in the future. I’m incensed. Absurd.

01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink
02. Swam with wild dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid
06. Held a tarantula
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
08. Said ‘I love you’ and meant it
09. Hugged a tree
10. Bungee jumped
11. Visited Paris
12. Watched a lightning storm at sea
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise
14. Seen the Northern Lights
15. Gone to a huge sports game
16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
18. Touched an iceberg
19. Slept under the stars
20. Changed a baby’s diaper
21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
22. Watched a meteor shower
23. Gotten drunk on champagne
24. Given more than you can afford to charity
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
27. Had a food fight
28. Bet on a winning horse
29. Asked out a stranger
30. Had a snowball fight
31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
32. Held a lamb
33. Seen a total eclipse
34. Ridden a roller coaster
35. Hit a home run
36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
37. Adopted an accent for an entire day
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
39. Had two hard drives for your computer
40. Visited all 50 states
41. Taken care of someone who was drunk
42. Had amazing friends
43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
44. Watched wild whales
45. Stolen a sign
46. Backpacked in Europe
47. Taken a road-trip
48. Gone rock climbing
49. Midnight walk on the beach
50. Gone sky diving
51. Visited Ireland
52. Been heartbroken longer then you were actually in love
53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger’s table and had a meal with them
54. Visited Japan
55. Milked a cow
56. Alphabetized your cd’s
57. Pretended to be a superhero
58. Sung karaoke
59. Lounged around in bed all day
60. Posed nude in front of strangers
61. Gone scuba diving
62. Kissed in the rain
63. Played in the mud
64. Played in the rain
65. Gone to a drive-in theater
66. Visited the Great Wall of China
67. Started a business
68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
69. Toured ancient sites
70. Taken a martial arts class
71. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
72. Gotten married
73. Been in a movie
74. Crashed a party
75. Gotten divorced
76. Gone without food for 5 days
77. Made cookies from scratch
78. Won first prize in a costume contest
79. Ridden a gondola in Venice
80. Gotten a tattoo
81. Rafted the Snake River
82. Been on television news programs as an “expert”
83. Got flowers for no reason
84. Performed on stage
85. Been to Las Vegas
86. Recorded music
87. Eaten shark
88. Had a one-night stand
89. Gone to Thailand
90. Bought a house
91. Been in a combat zone
92. Buried one of your parents
93. Been on a cruise ship
94. Spoken more than one language fluently
95. Performed in Rocky Horror.
96. Raised children
97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
98. Created and named your own constellation of stars
99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn’t stop when you knew someone was looking
103. Had plastic surgery
104. Survived an illness that you shouldn’t have survived
105. Wrote articles for a large publication
106. Lost over 100 pounds
107. Held someone while they were having a flashback
108. Piloted an airplane
109. Petted a stingray
110. Broken someone’s heart
111. Helped an animal give birth
112. Won money on a T.V. game show
113. Broken a bone
114. Gone on an African photo safari
115. Had a body part of yours below the neck pierced
116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
118. Ridden a horse
119. Had major surgery
120. Had a snake as a pet
121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
122. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
124. Visited all 7 continents
125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
126. Eaten kangaroo meat
127. Eaten sushi
128. Had your picture in the newspaper
129. Changed someone’s mind about something you care deeply about
130. Gone back to school
131. Parasailed
132. Petted a cockroach
133. Eaten fried green tomatoes
134. Read The Iliad – and the Odyssey
135. Selected one “important” author who you missed in school, and read
136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
137. Skipped all your school reunions
138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
139. Been elected to public office
140. Written your own computer language
141. Thought to yourself that you’re living your dream
142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
143. Built your own PC from parts
144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn’t know you
145. Had a booth at a street fair
146: Dyed your hair
147: Been a DJ
148: Shaved your head
149: Caused a car accident
150: Saved someone’s life

(Warning: This is not a coherent essay.  There are few topic sentences in the paragraphs below.  It is a stream of consciousness related to the Federal Marriage Amendment, my life, and what you can do about discrimination and bigotry.) 

So the president is at it again.  Hampered by flagging approval ratings due to the mess he's made of his time in office, he has turned to bigotry and discrimination to mobilize the far-right "christian" base.  I put the word christian in quotes, because I don't believe christians who live a life based on Jesus's teachings would ever stoop the depths that GWB has stooped to.

So the president is trying to garner support for a federal amendment banning gay marriages. Well let me tell you what:  I'm in a same-sex relationship, and I am legally married to my wife. We moved to Massachusetts for a job, and one of the first things we did when we got here was to go to the town hall and legally join our lives together.  Why?  First and foremost, and most importantly, because we love each other and intend to spend the rest of our lives together.  But second, and also important, because the documentation we needed in order to prove our relationship for health insurance purposes was so prohibitively excessive that it was easier to go to the justice of the peace and get married.

My partner and I are getting married in front of our family and friends later this summer, in the meeting house in Maine where her parents were married 30-some-odd years ago.  Her parents' minister is performing our wedding.  Her mom's good friend is playing the flute in the ceremony.  My parents and brother's family and grandmother are going to be there.  My godparents are going to be there.  Our mutual friends and friends from our lives before we met will be there. Why? Because they support our relationship, and want to see it thrive and grow.

My parents had a party for us a couple of months ago – in Minnesota – and invited our extended family and many, many family friends.  Every single one of my aunts, uncles, and cousins (except the two teens who had to work, and the aunt with a horrible viral infection) came.  Every. Single. One.  Now, Minnesotans might be more liberal on the whole than the rest of the nation, but my extended family tends a lot more politically and socially to the right than do my folks and me.  And you know what?  They weren't intimidated or threatened one bit by our "gay marriage."  They know that supporting family who are entering into a relationship – a lifetime relationship – is the best way to keep that relationship strong.  

Traditional marriage is not "under attack" by same-sex couples who wish to marry.  Traditional marriage in under attack by such things as patriarchal economic systems which keep poor people poor and women earning less than men.

Of course, I don't want a "traditional" marriage.  In that setup, I'd not have an equal say in the marriage, I'd probably not have a career like the one I do now, I'd probably be coerced into having children whether I wanted them or not, and I'd be physically, mentally, and economically vulnerable. 

In my marriage, I like the fact that having children is a very active choice (no accidents here!).  In my marriage, I like the fact that there isn't any societal pressure on me to conform to a specific gender role. In my marriage, I like the fact that I feel no vulnerability because my wife and I bring equal assets, similar economic backgrounds, and stable family experiences to the relationship.  There are many things about my marriage that are non-traditional, and I want to keep them that way.

If you don't feel threatened by my marriage (and really, you shouldn't because it isn't a scary thing at all), then act out!  Tell your senators to Vote NO to the Federal Marriage Amendment. Consider this attempt to write bigotry and discrimination into the Constitution as a mobilization for the rest of the country to elect politicians who are tolerant, fair, and inclusive!  Don't let the bigots try to push same-sex couples back into the closets.  Don't let same-sex marriage be a deciding factor in the upcoming elections.  Don't let GWB wag the dog and try to distract us from the realities of the war he drug the country into, with the blessings of many of the same senators who have co-sponsored this discriminatory amendment.

Urge your senators to Vote NO on the FMA.  And then hold them and the president accountable for all the other atrocities that have been perpetrated in the name of freedom and liberty.

Other disclaimer: People heterosexual relationships can have non-traditional marriages!  I know lots of them and think that they are the bomb!

This is amazing! Maggie seems to alternate between wanting to go out a bounce around in the snow, and wanting to curl up in a tiny ball on the sofa. As for me, I’m content to sit in the apartment watching the news, waiting for the US women’s hockey game at 1 this afternoon.

Of course, I’m wondering just how I’m going to get to work tomorrow. Yes, my first day is tomorrow! I was going to do a test-drive to campus today, but that seems to be a pretty bad idea. So I can do one of two things in the morning. Either I can find a parking spot in the non-resident-permit area sometime tonight and move my car and then take the T to work, OR I can try to brave the streets of Boston and the suburbs and drive to work. Anyone from this area have advice on which one would be smarter? Keep in mind that I am from Minnesota, so I do know how to drive in snow.

Oh, what fun! A blizzard! Small blessings – we moved LAST weekend, not this weekend.

But for the love of God, you must watch this video. Keith Olbermann of MSNBC calls it like it is.

I’m disgusted, horrified, saddened, heartbroken. I love that part of the deep south, lived in Baton Rouge for 2 great years, and became an adult there. It is unfathomable that no one knew this could happen. Unfathomable – because we, a bunch of librarians who know nothing of structural engineering, talked about it all the time.